There is no hiding it (Back from the Past)

Depression does funny things to a person. I was miserable for so long in my life that I think it changed my entire way of perceiving reality. Now, I don’t mean that I see cartoon birds when people hit their heads or anything but my depression faded emotions for me.

Pain was deeper in so many ways. Loneliness was more than being without a romantic interest. Loneliness was in my soul. I wanted a friend. I wanted an ear to listen and I did not have one for some time. Writing saved me.

My emotions were never like a plateau. It was always extreme up, down, or nothing at all. How do you feel nothing? I know it sounds absurd, but I felt nothing for a very long time.

My pain had kept me docile as though I had been self medicating. My writing took on all of the emotions and so much more for me. I was love or hate with every fiber of my DNA when I would write. Pages were filled with pure emotion and it was almost as though the words filling them would remove those same feelings from my heart.

It saved me. In my deepest and darkest of days writing allowed me to express a sadness that no person cared to hear. Had anyone listened to me I might have never written all of the things I did. So in some ways I was my own ear and I do not regret the work I can hold in my hands.

My point is that I found something that I could pour myself into when no one cared. I took my own pain and worked it out on my own. You may not be a writer but maybe you can paint. If you can’t paint maybe you can take photographs. There is something beautiful that calls to you and you know exactly what I mean. So answer it.

Even if you aren’t aware of a beauty that lies inside you I want to tell you that I am aware of one. I know that I was overlooked and I was set aside by many. I want to pick you up and place you on my shoulder now. Now tell me that a child is meaningless. I will tell you that a child is full of hope and promise. You cannot stifle what will never stop. So don’t ever stop. Don’t let your pain tell you that no one cares.

Take your pain and make beauty out of it. Then show it to me. I will be here waiting for you.

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