Cracks in the Seams

The latest mass killing in the US is being publicized throughout the media. It is horrible to see so much loss. So many people are suffering and why? What was the reason behind something of this magnitude? I read the so-called “manifesto” that was released. It is pages of angry ranting, condemnation of women, and words that are truly those of an empty person. It was in no way telling of what led such a person to do something so permanent and horrific. I was sickened, yet again by someone who would hurt people. People he had never met and people he had no intimate knowledge of. He lumped all of those poor people in with his assumptions and then he made a choice that can never be undone.

The manifesto, as they are calling it, read like a teenagers rejected lustful attempts. His advances had not been reciprocated and that led him to hating all women. He then began to hate the “type” of men that these girls chose over him. Everything written was about sex and love and his inability to find either. It was a sad letter by a truly sad person. I feel no pity for this person. I feel no empathy for what he did. I feel nothing but bitterness toward his actions as I am sure most of us do.

What led him to do something like this? Truly, what was it that pushed him over the edge? So often, we see the mass murderers lumped into the same sort of mold. They are looked at as loners, as emotionally inept, they are socially awkward, usually white men, who presumably play too many video games and have no connections with the real world. They are outcasts and they are treated this way because they are on the path to bloodshed in order to regain some piece of the public eye. Is this always the case though? What is it that finally snaps within someone like this to make them decide, plot out, and then act on such a terrifying plan as this?

I read those hate filled words and I wondered about them. His ideals of love and sex were so far fetched. He had the two intertwined as though they were really only one. It made me think about our society. Look around us. Every where we see sex. It is a theme. It is a genre unto it’s self. What do the top television shows and movies have in common? Sex, love, and bloodshed. Almost all the shows and movies have these recurring themes within them. Do I believe it is movies that make someone like this? No. I don’t. I cannot say what truly makes someone become such a horrid monster, but I can say that our society holds these themes in high regard.

Murderers are idolized on television now. The news stations almost attack one another over the publicity on events of this nature. Our music industry is nothing but sex, love, and bloodshed anymore. Love is tied in to temper the cold hard lust of the sex industry. Things are more acceptable if emotions and truth are involved. So, we throw love in to give it a reason to be fed to the public in the dosages that it is. None of this is true though. It is an imaginary world and the problem is that these loner types have no one. All they have is their imaginary friends within their imaginary worlds. So, perhaps, they are not living in reality. Perhaps, they are not normal like most of us today. Maybe there is something wrong within their mental processes, but they are turning to this imaginary world that is being flaunted in front of them. They are becoming the stars of their own dreams so that they can live out their fantasies for the rest of the world to watch. It isn’t right. It is devastating to see people destroy the lives of so many who have done nothing to them. It is horrible to think of the innocent lives that we are losing on a daily basis.

I hurt within my heart when I think of the mourning families. They will never have their questions answered. They will never know true peace because of what 1 person decided to do. What can we do to prevent these tragedies? I am not sure. I may never know. Could he have been stopped or prevented if only 1 person would have taken an interest in him? Could medication have helped him? Was he simply doomed from birth to be something that people will forever fear and condemn? I will never know.

What I do know is pain. I know an emptiness that others overlook. I know a longing to find love myself. Would I ever hurt another person, no. No. Never. I cherish life and I love. Had my life been void of all love and friendship I am not sure that I would be here today. I do know that I would not have been able to take the life of another in the ways in which this hopeless thing did. He will never be justified. He will never be loved. He will be hated more than he will ever be loved because he did something unhuman. Eventually his name will be pushed back. He will fade out of view and another horrific name will take his place. Some other person will put their shoes on one morning and walk into infamy. How can we stop them?

Can we create an awareness? Can we help those who are lost and searching for friendship? Would a single person’s effort to help someone keep them from doing something traumatic? What is there to lose by trying to make a difference? People are lonelier now than ever. People are more lost than ever. We live in a cruel world where every one is looking out for themselves. No person deserves to die because of anyone else. We all have the right to live. We all have the right to happiness, but not all of us know how to find happiness.

My thoughts and my heart is with those who are left suffering now. I hope that they can find something of meaning in this time of utter confusion.

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