How far would you go to help?

I was talking to an old friend of mine the other day who is no longer able to have children. She has one son who is 8 years old. She is an Excellent mother and I do not say that about just anyone. We grew up together and she has surpassed her early life in ways that most people can only dream of. She is one of those people who you look up to even though they aren’t older than you. I have respected her for a long time and she has done some amazing things in her life.

She was a host surrogate for a couple who were also unable to have children. The hormones that were intended to keep her body from rejecting the embryos caused her to have problems carrying anymore children ever again. I think at the time when it happened that she had no intention of carrying anymore children, but things change. She got married, she recently became an attorney, and inevitably she grew up a bit more. Now the time has come when she desperately wants a baby but she and her husband find themselves struggling to be able to have or even adopt one.

She told me about the Foster Care system and how difficult it is to be able to even adopt locally. The state is looking for someone who has around $40,000 just to adopt an 8-year-old child who, in some ways lives down the road from yourself. She and her husband don’t just have $40,000 lying around. She graduated from Law School a little over a year ago and she is in debt from that still. It is a sad situation that these children are in need of love and these parents have love to give but if the money isn’t there the love is somehow deemed inadequate.

I have known this girl almost my entire life. I knew her when we were young and stupid. I knew her when we were self-involved teenagers. I knew her when we were young mothers who didn’t have a clue what we were doing. I know her now. She has a heart and she uses it everyday as often as she can. She deserves a child to love and it breaks my heart to think of the pain she in enduring. I want to help her. If I were a billionaire I would probably go broke trying to help everyone that deserves it.

So she and I were talking and I told her that I don’t want anymore children at this point in my life. The future may hold a different result but as of now I am quite happy with the 3 that I have. I love them and I already suffer from feeling as though they don’t get the individual attention they deserve. We talked and talked and I could just hear the pain in her voice over the missing piece of their family. I know how deeply she wants a baby. I know that she is one of the good ones too. I asked her about surrogacy and we began talking about the options.

It is currently on my mind and we are now looking into the arrangement.

I wonder how far would you go? Would you help her? Would you choose not to? If you couldn’t help be a surrogate would you instead help financially? Or is this simply their problem that “they” need to handle? If you had a loved one who needed a kidney would you offer to donate if you could?

It would only be 9 months of my life to allow them to have a lifetime of love. There are so many babies out there who deserve a home but our reality is that there are so many obstacles to get them into a happy and healthy home.

I think my heart aches more and more each day for those I wish I could help. I don’t know if it is because I am growing older if it is something more.

4 thoughts on “How far would you go to help?

  1. I personally think that you have a very big heart and are so very generous to want to help your friend in this way. Best of luck to you and your friend in whatever decisions are made in the near future.


  2. This is definitely one of those situations that have to be based on practicalities (can you afford time off for morning sickness, are you okay with all risks) and then if you have a green light, should be assessed emotionally. Only you know if this feels right for you, trust your gut.


    • I completely agree. I understand that there are a lot of positives and negatives. Having 3 children will only make this situation more difficult on myself as well. I try to be pragmatic and don’t want to jump into anything lightly. Especially something of as important as this. Thank you for the comment!



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