Not everyone understands isolating behaviors. I can say this from experience.
It isn’t that we want to not care about anyone else, but sometimes we can’t even care about ourselves. Sometimes we can barely meet our basic needs. Sometimes we can’t see beyond the next few moments, or even breaths.
I’ve lost so many relationships because not everyone could accept my full self. The parts of me that struggled, the parts of me that hid away, or the parts of me that stayed quiet while I worked through more than I was able to share or even hold. These relationships faded because some took it personally, some experienced their own struggles and our connections couldn’t be maintained, or because in the end I saw I wasn’t able to meet the expectations they had of me. They expected me to be the best version of me and couldn’t hold space for less than.
No matter the reason, it was always a loss. An experience that included mourning what was gone and holding the happiness we shared in my heart. Thinking back on memories, wondering if things should have, could have, would have… if only.
Mental illnesses wreak havoc in so many ways. When you find people who will remain with you, especially when you disappear, never stop cherishing them.
To those who have stood waiting to be by my side when I finally had the energy to re-emerge, I adore you. You saw me and accepted all of me, including the parts I struggle to accept.
Love someone even through their absence, you never know how badly they may need it.
I’m here, for you, for the long-haul.
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