How do I say today was the day grief sank its teeth into my soul?

How do I share that today is marked by the first loss that felled a chain of domino losses one after the other?

What word encapsulates the heartache that comes when the calendar lands on this date each year? 

This isn’t a celebration, but a return,

to the memory of the beginning of uncertainty. 

Today, the day I was a child abandoned. A child left to the snickers and shushes that dreadful day incited. A child shoved into the husk of a brokenly wise for her age adult.

Today is the day I feel inching closer, closer each day as my memory grows slower. My focus fades. My body reminding me today is on the horizon. 

A day like every other, but forever unforgettable. 

A day I have wished away more times than I have ever stopped to think of breathing. 

A day that never ends, each year until I die. 

I would walk away from today, if only I had the energy. I would hide myself away, but it’s a Thursday and work must be finished. I would black out all these days on every calendar, if it hadn’t already been blacked out by this dreadful recurring reality. 

A year on rotation that spins me right back into disbelief.

A year revisited that seems unshakeably sturdy.

A year without all the memories that should be jubilant.

Because when you left, the part of me untouched by trauma left with you. 

Today I say, an unhappy anniversary to us both.


No responses yet

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Sign Up for Email Alerts

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive updates.

%d bloggers like this: