Have you been wondering how one might make a Southern Fried Asian? Well, today’s your lucky day. After hundreds of requests, I’ve reluctantly agreed to share the secret family recipe. How gracious of me, I know.

To Create 1 Southern Fried Asian: (Proceed with caution.)

Mix 1 part All American Arkansas Army Boy (add an extra dash of Superman for that kick of something not quite “normal human”), with 1 part non-English speaking Seoul Sister from South Korea (aka the free ones – until recently that joke was a huge hit). See photo below for freshness guide. Introduce a translator to the mix early on to encourage proper mingling and added confusion.

Next, throw in four handfuls of early life lessons, a bit of travel, lots of kimchi and baked macaroni and cheese (not combined), and a rambunctious family so large we put rabbits to shame. Soak in one salty sarcastic Naval grandfather. (I was literally raised by a sailor so my language is always excused. Muahahhaa. I’m full of excuses.) Don’t forget to blend in one indomitably-willed grandmother who always had a hilariously questionable comment to utter when you least expected it and could cook food like only a Southern Grandma could.

Toss in one rare feisty friend who can control Southern Fried Asian for the betterment of society. (You should all thank her, seriously.) Add a pinch of Italian style dressing to round out the witty tet a tets and never ending banter. Add a small zest of friends who never judge and always laugh, either at or with the Southern Frying Asian.

Next marinate Korean-Arkansan in southern charm and atmosphere, which provides culture, breathtaking beauty, and unbelievable hilarity for Asianling to consume like nowhere else could. Bake for at least 30 years making sure you rotate periodically to evenly cook all sides in sarcasm, bold oddness, and whatever else is lying around.

Remove carefully, once you have achieved your desired level of crispy Asian coating. Enjoy!

Man, I’m hungry for some reason.